Thoughts that have occurred to me and some of which I have dedicated way more time than I should have throughout the day:
1. Every clothing store should have a "funeral" section. One in which no bold vibrant reds, blues or greens are allowed.
2. I am a girl, 26, uncomfortable in her own skin. I am short, I am thick, I used to be skinny and now I have no waist. I'm waiting to blossom - waiting to bloom. Just that... waiting. Just a girl attempting to be a woman.
3. When will I 'grow up'? When will I learn to speak my complete thought rather than parts of the mixed up shit in my head, thinking all the while that someone is following my complete thought? It's always later, after I walk away that I realize something I said didn't make sense, that I only actually said bits and pieces of what I meant and that something I did was just a little bit or a lot a bit stupid.
4. When will I stop being a "dits"? Please refer to statement/thought #3.
5. When I get to spend one penny I want to spend 5 more.
6. I was almost in a bad accident coming home from work today. Two lane semi-curvy highway, 55 mph, me driving 59, gotta mind since I got out of having my other ticket count against my record. Blazing towards me I see headlights as it was starting to get dark. Closer, closer, slam on brakes and horn (horn - not cause I didn't think he saw me coming, just as sort of a f*you), partially pull off the road and good thing at that because the space I pulled off was the space he needed to squeeze back into his proper lane. Dear Lord, please, if I ever HAVE to get in an accident please allow my baby to be safe and sound at preschool or with her Daddy.
7. Mrs. Alice was brought home one last time today... poor "Mr. W." Please refer to yesterday's post.
8. Damn, Cheerios Snack Mix is good and you really must try it.
9. I miss my parents. Why do I live so far from home and what is really tying us here, to this place to which we have no connection but yet we chose?
10. I guess this answers #9 as I can't wait for summer and to hit the beach.
11. I am pasty. Please refer to #10.
12. I am proud of my hubby. Check out his blog.
13. Working vs. Stay at Home Mom. Another blog, written by sisters, I just recently found that I like to stalk, touched on this today but not necessarily on my own situation:
1. Every clothing store should have a "funeral" section. One in which no bold vibrant reds, blues or greens are allowed.
2. I am a girl, 26, uncomfortable in her own skin. I am short, I am thick, I used to be skinny and now I have no waist. I'm waiting to blossom - waiting to bloom. Just that... waiting. Just a girl attempting to be a woman.
3. When will I 'grow up'? When will I learn to speak my complete thought rather than parts of the mixed up shit in my head, thinking all the while that someone is following my complete thought? It's always later, after I walk away that I realize something I said didn't make sense, that I only actually said bits and pieces of what I meant and that something I did was just a little bit or a lot a bit stupid.
4. When will I stop being a "dits"? Please refer to statement/thought #3.
5. When I get to spend one penny I want to spend 5 more.
6. I was almost in a bad accident coming home from work today. Two lane semi-curvy highway, 55 mph, me driving 59, gotta mind since I got out of having my other ticket count against my record. Blazing towards me I see headlights as it was starting to get dark. Closer, closer, slam on brakes and horn (horn - not cause I didn't think he saw me coming, just as sort of a f*you), partially pull off the road and good thing at that because the space I pulled off was the space he needed to squeeze back into his proper lane. Dear Lord, please, if I ever HAVE to get in an accident please allow my baby to be safe and sound at preschool or with her Daddy.
7. Mrs. Alice was brought home one last time today... poor "Mr. W." Please refer to yesterday's post.
8. Damn, Cheerios Snack Mix is good and you really must try it.
9. I miss my parents. Why do I live so far from home and what is really tying us here, to this place to which we have no connection but yet we chose?
10. I guess this answers #9 as I can't wait for summer and to hit the beach.
11. I am pasty. Please refer to #10.
12. I am proud of my hubby. Check out his blog.
13. Working vs. Stay at Home Mom. Another blog, written by sisters, I just recently found that I like to stalk, touched on this today but not necessarily on my own situation:
I work not because I want to, not because I love to but because the company I work for pays 100% of health insurance for me, hubby and baby.
I work not because I want to, not because I love to but because, even though I don't come out much on top each week, its still worth the benefit, and we couldn't make it any other way.
I work not because I want to, not because I love to but because we got married, a baby was born a year later.
Lets just say I work not because I want to, not because I love to but because I love my child and therefore I must be responsible for the choices that were made and I have faced the facts that I must.
Not because I want to, not because I love to turn my child over to a preschool/full time program or some individual other than immediate family each and every weekday and although she may cry and she may fuss - I can do nothing but kiss her and tell her I love her and ask her to tell me to "get outta here, Mommy" and then leave with my own guilt.
So no, thank you very much, I haunt myself, leaving me without need for anyone else's gift of guilt.
2 comments:
Ok, #2-5 ditto...all except that I'm 34, but all of those things still apply to me. Your #10 made me sad. I hope that one day you are able to stay home, but in the meantime you shouldn't feel guilty. You are doing what's best for Ashley and that's what's important!
There is nothing worse than Mommy Guilt.
No matter the choices you make or the situation you're in, it's hard to not question yourself.
I hope one day you are able to stay home with your little one. In the meantime, make the most of every single minute you have together.
Post a Comment