Scrubbing Day is my Favorite Day...

Okay, so not really, just thought the words of Pippi Longstocking were so catchy. Thanks Pippi!

So this morning Ashley came in around 8:30 or 9:00 to say that it was not time to sleep anymore. She took the invitation to climb into bed as usually upon her arrival, the thought of actually getting up makes me want to do something really bad. It dawned on me sometime within the past 24 hours that since motherhood began just 2 years and 4 1/2 months ago I don't recall a single day when I have awoken on my own. It's always an alarm clock screaming at me throughout the week day or a child deciding it's just that time. I know, I know, I'm no different from the rest of the free world really, but it's just that I've always thought of myself as a champion sleeper of sorts.

I am not a morning person, never have been, but rather a night owl of sorts and indeed, I do cherish a nap in the middle of the day on the weekends!

Growing up I could sleep and I mean SLEEP. Mom said it started from a very early time, as she took me into the doctor and asked what was wrong with me because I slept so much. During childhood, growing up and on into my short stay at college I continued with my marathon sleeping abilities. I always had to be drug out of bed, basically by my hair - never voluntarily - and there were even times when apparently I have said horrible wretched things to loved ones during their quest to awake me. Hubby really doesn't even try anymore and I feel compelled to add that one time my own mother did not speak to me for 3 weeks because of something I said. I promise you... I do not remember... I really was asleep... I do not know what I said... I did not mean it and I suppose I really don't even WANT to know what I said! Geeforever. Now that's bad!

Those were the days of glory. When I was a true champ, sleeping in until 3:00 or 3:30 in the afternoon. With the worst sleep headache/hangover possible, but still was completely in love with doing so besides the "hit by a bus, spent all night under the tire of a mack truck" kind of feeling that always came with my hobby. I never felt like I was wasting the day away, like I was missing out on something good and I never really cared for breakfast anyways. I'd much rather have it for dinner thank you!

Then, of course, there was Ashley. She too is a sleepy baby. She has always done very well in the sleep department. I think if my sister were reading this she was scoff at the 8:30/9:00 I'm complaining of that Ashley woke up this morning. Well it is early, isn't it?

And here's where the title all falls into place. Scrubbing Day. I've declared Saturday my new scrubbing day. We got the house tidy, all clothes put away, vacuumed, cleaned up and out last week and now I've decided that I will dedicate each Saturday morning to getting everything done, in line, in place and be able to relax the rest of the weekend. By 11:00 a.m. we were in the final stages of scrubbing day, dancing around the kitchen in our scrubbing shoes amongst the bubbles, and it was before noon when the entire house was picked up, vacuumed, bathrooms cleaned, blah blah blah and we were out the door to enjoy our day!

So I've begun to reevaluate the scrubbing day vs. sleeping situation and perhaps, just perhaps I'm getting old as when Ashley wakes me up and climbs into bed sleep is really over, no matter how hard I try I just can't get back to sleep. I've come to realize I'm so much prouder of scrubbing day than I would be telling someone I am a champion sleeper that slept til 3:30, my house looks like shit and my kid ate the dog's food cause she was hungry and Mommy was sleeping. lol. (Please believe, this never happened)(ahhh the googlers that will find this).

And P.S. If you haven't ever had the pleasure of The New Adventures of Pippi Longstocking you must check it out! It's the BEST!

Don't yuve me...

A conversation last night between my precious 2 year old and I... I'm telling you, this child is goofy:

Me: I love you!
A: I don't yuve you. (you see she can't say "l"s)
Me: That is so mean. That hurts my feelings.
A: Go cry in orrs room, Mommy.

A little bit of Dave in my life...

So its been quite some time since I spoke about Dave Ramsey and his role in our life. Back in May of last year my husband and I sat down (as my birthday present to him - that's what he wanted) and figured out that every month we were $400.00 in the hole. NO WONDER we couldn't pay our bills on time and every debt collector from here to China or maybe it was India was calling to ask where their money was. Not to mention that just on monthly bills we were $400.00 in the hole... that didn't account for gas, food, diapers or any of the extras that we always seemed to think we could afford. I didn't realize nor had I ever been willing to admit just how bad off we really were despite the fact that I found myself calling the electric company asking for a little more time and even the city regarding our water. It was bad - but we really didn't want anyone to know so we really kept it to ourselves. I hope that my parents don't read this... I think it might make them sad or perhaps disappointed. It seemed beyond all hope and then... we made a plan... but these sorts of plans take time, patience and dedication.

We sold my husband's beloved truck. '04 black Z71. Nice truck - Just not for us cause it carried a BIG monthly payment. That saved us $506 in payment, $100 or so in insurance and $70 a week in gas because he started driving the more economical 98 Saturn SL2 that my parents had given us. Although we did have to take out a small loan on the Saturn that was free and clear in order to make up for the negative equity an expensive vehicle can carry to enable us to sell the truck but that payment is only $115.00 a month. Don't worry... Joey actually cleared this with Dave himself (by calling the show and being heard on the air) and Dave thought it was the right thing for us to do in this situation and even went so far as to say, "you see, that guy right there, he's got a plan and he's going to be all right." Words of encourgament from the man himself! At any rate, from there, we started to try to get things more in line.

One day about the middle of summer we were outside working in the yard, enjoying a beautiful day. It hit one of us that we should check the mail. It was the usual - bills we still couldn't really afford to pay and a notice regarding our MAJOR debt, "The Credit Card", that carried a huge balance and a huge monthly payment - one that we had not been able to pay for months. It wasn't the usual statement inside but rather a notice stating that "The Credit Card" had been REVOKED. (Capital letters and all). Need to remit payment in full immediately, blah blah blah. Believe me, I wanted to... but I just couldn't find it in me to shit that much money. Don't I wish I had been able to. Instead, I wanted to do nothing but DIE.

Then, it hit me even harder that we still weren't doing everything we could be doing. Although we had gotten rid of the "monthly deficit" we still were overspending. We were still living a lifestyle that we could not afford. We still weren't being honest with ourselves and how much we really could spend and still be okay... not to mention the fact it's hard to catch up once you get behind - and we were that... behind.

One of the things that hurt my feelings the most was the way we were treated. NO ONE that could help us would or wanted to help us (bank wise. We did not ask family friends or relatives). In all eyes - we were bad people. Terrible people that didn't pay for what they purchased that never sent a payment in on time and in most eyes we were going straight to hell. Thing of it was that we were not bad people and we had not intentionally created the mess we were in, although we assume full responsibility for doing so. We were young. We got married. We bought a townhouse. We had a baby. We decided it was in our best interest to move from VA to NC. We had medial bills. Sale of home fell though therefore Mortage in VA, rent in NC. My job in NC fell through while I was still on maternity leave from job in VA. Ended up having to live in different states until we could get it all sorted out. We were in a living hell and were too proud and almost too stupid to realize just how bad our situation was spiraling and raging out of control.

We were trying and we really do and did intend to make EVERY payment and repay EVERY cent we have ever borrowed but like I said, these things take time and I still hadn't figured out a way to shit money.

Next plan of action... in September our neighbor got Joey a job working as a pizza delivery boy. Ahhh... breathing room and relief.

Since that time, with the job and bonuses from my job we have been able to get back on track with all payments being paid on time enough to count. No more late fees for us and as of December we have paid off 3 medical bills and two credit cards which reduced the deficit even further. Today we are busy chipping away at our other debts.

One of the things I am most proud of is that since September we have PAID for everything we have purchased (including Christmas). We really don't have any/much credit available to us but none the less we have found a way to purchase and actually pay for everything for the past 5 months.

We have cut back enormously. We have scrimped and found ways to scrape by when before we would have said "oh well, what can ya do?" Within the past month and 1/2 we have taken it even further and I know before long we will see it bigger than we are able to see it right now.

Our "further" is this: Hubby and I each get $100.00 a month and that buys it ALL. If you want shoes, if you want your hair cut, if you want those pants or shirt or that shit, your $100.00 a month has got to buy it. If you want lunch with your friends or you want to stop by and get a sub cause you are really really hungry, that $100.00 had better cover it, cause if not you are SOL. At first when I got my $100.00 I thought that would buy me the world. I quickly, oh so quickly, found that $100.00 a month really isn't much in the grand scheme of things. You think it is, I dare you to REALLY add up when you spend a month... hair cuts, shoes, clothes, fast food, coffee, beer - whatever your vice... I really was shocked!

The only things that are not inclusive of the $100.00 are food from the grocery store, from which you are highly encouraged to pack your lunch and gas for the cars. We also have a $100.00 a month rule for Ashley, which has not been as closely followed because in all honesty, I've paid close mind and we don't think we buy her $100.00 worth of crap each month or even close to it. It's not like she's begging and dying to cruise up the road to catch a movie with her friends. Thank goodness for that. She's only 2 and is just as entertained by the dollar tree as she is about some expensive something or other.

Also, I have begun to put $10.00 a week into A's savings as I would like to be able to have a nest egg for her some day in the FAR FAR future when she is old enough to know it is there. But don't fret, we also plan to try to instill other saving brainwashedness into her head just as soon as we think she is able to understand the concept. And further don't worry because she does love to hoard the "monies" in her "pocketbook" already.

So... there are many ways to save. We no longer eat fast food as a family and we only have basic cable which costs $7.80 a month for our 5 channels (there was a clarity issue with the rabbit ears). I haven't had real cable for 2 1/2 years now and although there some times occassional things I hear of that I just so wish that I could watch - you all are so much more entertaining anyways!

Now of course, let me step off my high horse - cause there are of course, those downfalls. We have the internet (which I believe is an ABSOLUTE must). We both have our memberships to health club/work out facilities. Me to Curves, he to Golds Gym HOWEVER believe me, I've implemented a rule. You must attend at least 10 times a month (just shy of 3 times a week) in order to have the money come from our account. If you do not attend 10 times a month and you are a slacker, you must pay for it out of your $100.00. Now that would suck, wouldn't it?? So get your ass to the gym and workout... now, damn it! LOL.

All this talk... despite the fact that we have been able to get ourselves in a better position, it's still just not good enough. We want to be debt free. We want to be free from those things that tie us down and we want to be able to provide better than we ever had, which, I promise you is QUITE A LOFTY GOAL.

I do not have a new car, nor does hubby... in fact I'm almost scared to say it out loud... mine will be paid off next January and his the following May at which time we have all intentions of running them til the floors rust out. Shit - I think I just heard my car die out in the driveway. How grand would it be NOT to have a car payment and to be able to save that money to pay cash towards our next un-new car? Believe me, if I could have one, if I thought someone would actually loan me the money for a newer/nicer car I'd want to be all over it like bread on butter, but I like to tell myself that there is no harm from a mistake if a lesson is learned and therefore I realize I must not have a new car, I must keep mine and I must love it cause that's all I've got.

Thing of it is that I've learned a hard lesson that hubby has been right there beside me for and although I may want something so bad I think of my $100.00 and then I analyze the situation a little bit harder and a little bit longer and usually *usually* I put it back.

I've looked at my post and nearly wanted to laugh but I'm much too brainwashed for that now. When hubby first started talking about this Dave Ramsey character all I could do was roll my eyes and shrug him off. Ha. You really think you are going to trick me into reading and falling for that shit? You got another thing coming. And then I realized we were trapped and no one was going to bail us out. No one was going to throw us a life vest or even one of those kiddie pool floaties and boy was I tired of treading water and desperately in need of CPR. So here it is. This is now and let me be self indulgent as I stand on the roof top and scream while I take control of my life.

I would like to add one final thought. a disclaimer of sorts. After all, this is my "space". This is my life. Just my thoughts on where WE are and where WE want to go and be. It is NOT at all a hit, a stab, a slap or a freaking upper cut on any one of you beautiful individuals that may happen to grace my blog. I enjoy everyone of you and I'm so glad you've stopped by. Words of encouragement or here to tell me my struggle is over because you've just found me a rich uncle?? Joy!! leave a comment!! Otherwise, please realize I'm speaking of my trap and my trap alone and do not speak a word of this to judge you so please, don't hate :)

"...you see, that guy right there, he's got a plan and he's going to be all right."

It's on it's way

The first bloom of the season. We've had our cold days but we've also had our nice days here in eastern N.C. I so much enjoy the flowers outside my house and much to my excitement this bloom opened yesterday, just a couple of days after first appearing. I can not wait to behold the beauty that hopefully will continue to bloom outside my door! Yay for spring that appears to be on its way!

A little bit of randomness coming your way

Thoughts that have occurred to me and some of which I have dedicated way more time than I should have throughout the day:

1. Every clothing store should have a "funeral" section. One in which no bold vibrant reds, blues or greens are allowed.

2. I am a girl, 26, uncomfortable in her own skin. I am short, I am thick, I used to be skinny and now I have no waist. I'm waiting to blossom - waiting to bloom. Just that... waiting. Just a girl attempting to be a woman.

3. When will I 'grow up'? When will I learn to speak my complete thought rather than parts of the mixed up shit in my head, thinking all the while that someone is following my complete thought? It's always later, after I walk away that I realize something I said didn't make sense, that I only actually said bits and pieces of what I meant and that something I did was just a little bit or a lot a bit stupid.

4. When will I stop being a "dits"? Please refer to statement/thought #3.

5. When I get to spend one penny I want to spend 5 more.

6. I was almost in a bad accident coming home from work today. Two lane semi-curvy highway, 55 mph, me driving 59, gotta mind since I got out of having my other ticket count against my record. Blazing towards me I see headlights as it was starting to get dark. Closer, closer, slam on brakes and horn (horn - not cause I didn't think he saw me coming, just as sort of a f*you), partially pull off the road and good thing at that because the space I pulled off was the space he needed to squeeze back into his proper lane. Dear Lord, please, if I ever HAVE to get in an accident please allow my baby to be safe and sound at preschool or with her Daddy.

7. Mrs. Alice was brought home one last time today... poor "Mr. W." Please refer to yesterday's post.

8. Damn, Cheerios Snack Mix is good and you really must try it.

9. I miss my parents. Why do I live so far from home and what is really tying us here, to this place to which we have no connection but yet we chose?

10. I guess this answers #9 as I can't wait for summer and to hit the beach.

11. I am pasty. Please refer to #10.

12. I am proud of my hubby. Check out his blog.

13. Working vs. Stay at Home Mom. Another blog, written by sisters, I just recently found that I like to stalk, touched on this today but not necessarily on my own situation:

I work not because I want to, not because I love to but because the company I work for pays 100% of health insurance for me, hubby and baby.

I work not because I want to, not because I love to but because, even though I don't come out much on top each week, its still worth the benefit, and we couldn't make it any other way.

I work not because I want to, not because I love to but because we got married, a baby was born a year later.

Lets just say I work not because I want to, not because I love to but because I love my child and therefore I must be responsible for the choices that were made and I have faced the facts that I must.

Not because I want to, not because I love to turn my child over to a preschool/full time program or some individual other than immediate family each and every weekday and although she may cry and she may fuss - I can do nothing but kiss her and tell her I love her and ask her to tell me to "get outta here, Mommy" and then leave with my own guilt.

So no, thank you very much, I haunt myself, leaving me without need for anyone else's gift of guilt.

A Legacy and His Wife

This morning, shortly after arriving to work I was told by my boss that the wife, Mrs. Alice, of the "most senior" partner in the law firm I work for passed away this morning at 3:00 a.m. Neither of them have been "well" as they both have had their ailments. Mr. W, as we'll call him, although we refer to him by his whole last name, was born in 1918, making him 89 years old, to turn 90 this August.

He and Mrs. Alice had been married since they were fairly young, somewhere around and above 60 years, I believe I remember him telling me, not that long along, it was 66. Although "Mr. W." has retired approximately 4 times, he has never lasted more than a few hours out of the office aside for a couple years of military service during WWII, since joining this firm, the firm that his Daddy founded in 1941. He has had surgeries, cancer and only has one eye remaining. It has been said, by his son, also a partner in the firm, that during one surgery, to have most of his colon removed due to cancer, he requested that the doctor withhold the full amount of anesthesia as "he had to get back to work". I think he's going for the excellent attendance award.

Despite his outward grumpy demeanor, which I think he has earned every right to, "Mr. W." is a man that deserves and is given much respect. He has stood out and above in his field, and although we all wish that he "would go home", now, sad to say, he has absolutely no reason to, as he has missed his chance and Mrs. Alice has made her own trip "home".

This has really got me thinking. He has worked so hard, he has strived and he has succeeded and now this man is all alone. Sure, he has his grown children, but he no longer has the presence of his bride. Despite the fact that she was probably mommicked and cursed a few (thousand) times in her life (cause we've all heard those stories as well), I know he loved her and I know that he must be so badly heartsick right now that it makes me hurt for him, especially knowing that there is nothing that anyone can do.

As was done "back in the day", "Mr. W." was to bring Mrs. Alice's body to their home today, where she will stay until her funeral service on Wednesday. That too, just makes me hurt for him. He will have her brought home for the last time, where he will stay, alone with her, his love, until she is to be taken to be buried.

Recently, we have been able to hear him coming from down the hallway and around the corner, as his breathing is so labored and heavy. We have seen his big frame stumble into walls and doorways as he probably has more ailments that this strong willed man is willing to admit. We've noticed a decline in the use of the left side of his body, without a doubt he has suffered strokes that he also, so stubbornly, has failed to tell anyone about. It has been said, not out of nastiness, just out of understanding and compassion, that it won't be long for him now as well. What more to live for when your love, your companion of 60+ years has made their journey home? I pray for him, I pray for his peace.

This is my tribute to Mr. W. and Mrs. Alice. May he find peace, may he not be as heartsick as I suspect he is, as I don't believe a single one of us would ever wish such pain on anyone and here's to eternal life for Mrs. Alice.

MUST pray for U.S.A...

So I was surfing, looking for a particular color heels and stumbled upon this. I will say no more, just show pictures and ask that each of you say a silent prayer as this... well this... is uncalled for...

Yes my blog world friends, that label does say NASCAR and that for sho is a checked flag on the heel that apparently is on all pairs whether jean, plastic, on fire or checker flag print. Wow.

And honestly, I have to add... these are not cheap shoes... way more than I'd ever consider paying even if they didn't say Nascar. (despite being a new found penny pincher and on a budget).

Now that is what I like to call just a little bit country or a lot-a-bit redneck.

*Disclaimer* I'm sorry if you own these, it's just my opinion, but you might want to consider Free cycle.